Here's a TED talk by psychiatrist Robert Waldringer, the fourth director of a 75-year-old Harvard longitudinal Study of Adult Development, begun in the '30s, on what keeps us happy and healthy. (Actually, this is a study of what keeps men happy and healthy, just to pick a bone on who gets studied in most research ... but that's a battle for another day.)
The study looked at the lives of 724 men, from their teens into their 90's. Half were Harvard sophomores and half were from Boston's poorest neighborhoods. Sixty of the original men are still alive, most of them in their nineties.
My question has to do with a man at work who is meant for me, I knew it from the first time I saw him. How do I share this knowledge with him and allow him to see what I see?
Well, Traci Stein has done it again. I’m proud to announce the release of her extraordinary meditations for Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships – some wonderfully effective immersive exercises to help people turn away from unhealthy relationships and those people in their lives who suck the life right out of them...
We got this question from a man in a high-pressure job, who asked if we have any guided meditations to help him with his anger and “impulsive blurting out” of unkind words. His goal is to stop and think before speaking and train himself to become a respectful listener and nicer person. Pretty impressive. Here it is...
Anything on anger? May blurt out an unkind word or something so stupid. Want to learn to be extremely nice and very respectful, To stop and think before I say anything.
Although potentially challenging, identifying what we’d like to be different in our lives, and creating a plan for change, can help us feel happier, be healthier, and set us free from things we know, deep down, are unhealthy for us.
If you’ve read my earlier post, “8 Essentials for Creating Positive Change,” you are already armed with the fundamental tools to address those habits, patterns, or relationships that need tweaking (or more).
Below, I address in a bit more detail how to successfully engage in the process of change. What follows are some of the most common changes people seek to make, and what to keep in mind.
Ted asks an important question about which guided meditation might help him recover from the impact of intense parental enmeshment, something he was subjected to when he was growing up.
Enmeshment is a family therapy term used to describe an over-involved, intrusive way of parenting, where the parents don’t know where they end and their child begins. So they tend to interfere with their kids’ autonomy, speaking for them, thinking for them, and acting for them. They are also insistent on knowing way too much about what their children are thinking, feeling and doing, and they often tell their kids way too much about themselves as well. The kids grow up confused about their own boundaries, and as adults recreate this situation with others.
Its polar opposite is the parenting style of detachment, and that has its own set of problems. Both are extremes.
Here is Ted’s question:
"Shirley is a psychotherapist who specializes in self-esteem and anxiety related issues, and is an award-winning (2003 Milton H. Erickson Award for Scientific Excellence) expert at helping people examine their patterns and change their behavior, thanks to the removed, safe perspective of a light, hypnotic trance state."—Belleruth Naparstek
Creating Satisfying Relationships
By Dr. Shirley McNeal
I am a psychologist who has been in private practice for more than forty years. During this period of time I have spoken with many individuals, both men and women, who want to understand their relationship issues in order to increase the possibility of finding partners who will be the right match for them.
Much has been written about love at first sight and finding your heart's desire, and we know about the laws of attraction and what brings people together in the beginning. However, after the initial infatuation wanes, what enables the relationship to continue in a satisfying and healthy manner? What keeps love alive and allows relationships to last?